It's been another rainy day with a blinded window in the hotel attic. feels good to be back. We've spent the whole morning in bed..or rather on a mattress on the floor..And I just caught myself wondering that we were so close to give it all up..because it all got a little bit too complicated or too enjoyable..or whatever happened..how silly can people be! As soon as things get ..eehmm.good we want to end it all. What the fucking stupid ideas we can come up with!!
I'm surely starting to feel much more comfortable with Her and things are getting better and better..just like She promised..
I know She has some doubts about what I really need or to be more accurate - who I really need and want. It does hurt a bit but there's nothing I can do about it..perhaps..just to show Her on Her body that this is what I want. She is what I need.
My friend reminded me of my first thoughts about Her when she came.."Mouth like sailor's"
Hmm..I'm obviously blinded by love or just paralysed by physical enjoyment that the rest of the reality is just a big oblivion to my mind..I'm back in my little cocoon where I can be who I want to be.and She fits in there quite well.
She asks me how it feels like to touch Her and do i like it. I had to contemplate on that one for a while to fully understand and give a favourable answer.
When I lie next to Her I feel relaxed.content. a bit sad and happy at the same time..I feel wanted. excited I feel as time is standing still and I want it to stand still for a little longer..I smell Her hair and Her skin. I slide my fingers over Her soft and brown skin and I feel the warmth of Her body. And it feels great.
When I suddenly catch Her eyes, I feel butterflies making turmoil in my stomach.
I like the way Her body gets cold after She reaches the point..how Her lips turn cold as ice...how She clings on me..but overall I like how She makes me feel..I feel alive again.And this life is so very crystal clear..
I'm surely starting to feel much more comfortable with Her and things are getting better and better..just like She promised..
I know She has some doubts about what I really need or to be more accurate - who I really need and want. It does hurt a bit but there's nothing I can do about it..perhaps..just to show Her on Her body that this is what I want. She is what I need.
My friend reminded me of my first thoughts about Her when she came.."Mouth like sailor's"
Hmm..I'm obviously blinded by love or just paralysed by physical enjoyment that the rest of the reality is just a big oblivion to my mind..I'm back in my little cocoon where I can be who I want to be.and She fits in there quite well.
She asks me how it feels like to touch Her and do i like it. I had to contemplate on that one for a while to fully understand and give a favourable answer.
When I lie next to Her I feel relaxed.content. a bit sad and happy at the same time..I feel wanted. excited I feel as time is standing still and I want it to stand still for a little longer..I smell Her hair and Her skin. I slide my fingers over Her soft and brown skin and I feel the warmth of Her body. And it feels great.
When I suddenly catch Her eyes, I feel butterflies making turmoil in my stomach.
I like the way Her body gets cold after She reaches the point..how Her lips turn cold as ice...how She clings on me..but overall I like how She makes me feel..I feel alive again.And this life is so very crystal clear..
2 comments:
I have no idea what to say, to you. I don't know why I behave this way. The other day right, the other is not. I'm going crazy maybe something, rather someone. I accept the otherness. I envy even somewhere as well. It would be nice to talk about it once, you're not afraid of me. I'm tired. Too much has happened to me over the years. I hurried. I can't find my place. I wish to delete the memories and start a new life. I know this is impossible. A lot of thought has already tired of me. My mind just works and works without a break. There is no rest, no pause. Maybe I should finish the whole thing. I only desire to be loved. But I am with this obstacle. I can only spoil everything. The best would be if I was dreaming all this.
I'm starting to see that talking can be rather helpful occasionally..It's a shame you asked me to delete your other comments but i do publish this one..
I do know how it feels like when you want to delete everything and start all over but unfortunately we can't do that. And ,believe me, I've tried. And tried.
I got a bit tired as well of this "talking-not-talking"game.. You have to see that your life is not the past nor future , it's the moment..present (look who's talking, huh?! )
I was very close on giving up hope to find love..and see what happened..the most unusual and surprising thing happened ..i found love where i wouldn't have never believe to find it..
It'll come
It'll happen
You know I can't give you what you want from me.
Just open your eyes and see that there are so many people around you , who keep on trying talking to you but you have chosen to ignore them because you think that their interest is not sincere..
little by little
There aren't perfect people around , start trusting the ones you do have around..because people do give up when they get no response from you. You smiled yesterday..in front of everyone and i think it was the first time I've seen you doing that..you talked to me in front of everyone..was it really so horrible?
Don't give up on everything..life is too beautiful for that!
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