it's four in the morning and my nightmares are back. Can't sleep anymore. She is sleeping on my bed and I'm on the floor like a bloody rat sneaking around in the dark.
Thing's are fucked up. I'm fucked up. I've got a fever and my throat is so sore of smoking. Was dismissed this morning from work.
Had two days off and went to town..just to get away from it all. I called it rehab..before I went. But it didn't really work. I ended up in the bar with my coworker who joined me in the evening. I wanted to get away from Her as well. But all I could think of was Her
I tried to keep it simple but
she wants to talk tomorrow
She wants to talk
We had an argument today. She can't seem to handle the fact that I'm not gay. That I need an occasional dick as well.
She doesn't want to share
That's not what we agreed when we started everything.
I need to share, because her working visa will be over ..and she'll be gone..I don't want to get too attached. If it's not too late already..
My new nightmares have similar trait in them - I'm paralysed when I need to run. Like today's one
It was actually kind a symbolic and very logical one..
I was slipping into a dark hole which wasn't actually a hole but a state border and I was slipping away and couldn't come back and someone told me if I'm going I can't come back. Which, I presume must have meant my fear of Her leaving..And I was desperately looking for someone to ask what to I have to do to get back. Looking for loop holes in the law. And then I was lying next to someone who appeared to be my very own brother (which is rather disturbing..) and he was touching me and I wanted to scream and run..I was trying to push him away but I couldn't even move.. I was totally paralysed. It freaked me out. Then I pulled together all my strength and tried to release myself for the last time and I woke up gasping for air like I was nearly drowning..Which I think means my confusion and unconfidence about sleeping with Her. Is it subconsciously disturbing me?
What the hell am I doing..
And my ex is coming in March..we are getting back together. He is going to sell everything ...his whole life..
I'm fucked
Finally checked my emails today as well..people are panicking and doubting about my existence..
Thing's are fucked up. I'm fucked up. I've got a fever and my throat is so sore of smoking. Was dismissed this morning from work.
Had two days off and went to town..just to get away from it all. I called it rehab..before I went. But it didn't really work. I ended up in the bar with my coworker who joined me in the evening. I wanted to get away from Her as well. But all I could think of was Her
I tried to keep it simple but
she wants to talk tomorrow
She wants to talk
We had an argument today. She can't seem to handle the fact that I'm not gay. That I need an occasional dick as well.
She doesn't want to share
That's not what we agreed when we started everything.
I need to share, because her working visa will be over ..and she'll be gone..I don't want to get too attached. If it's not too late already..
My new nightmares have similar trait in them - I'm paralysed when I need to run. Like today's one
It was actually kind a symbolic and very logical one..
I was slipping into a dark hole which wasn't actually a hole but a state border and I was slipping away and couldn't come back and someone told me if I'm going I can't come back. Which, I presume must have meant my fear of Her leaving..And I was desperately looking for someone to ask what to I have to do to get back. Looking for loop holes in the law. And then I was lying next to someone who appeared to be my very own brother (which is rather disturbing..) and he was touching me and I wanted to scream and run..I was trying to push him away but I couldn't even move.. I was totally paralysed. It freaked me out. Then I pulled together all my strength and tried to release myself for the last time and I woke up gasping for air like I was nearly drowning..Which I think means my confusion and unconfidence about sleeping with Her. Is it subconsciously disturbing me?
What the hell am I doing..
And my ex is coming in March..we are getting back together. He is going to sell everything ...his whole life..
I'm fucked
Finally checked my emails today as well..people are panicking and doubting about my existence..
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