Brunch reading

A cup of tea, two toasts..because the steak pie I found on the table..was meant to be eaten last century. But I tried and confirmed. Quick check on emails, Facebook, photo sites etc and I came across this lovely piece of literature to go with my brunch:

Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows

25/08/2010

• Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
• Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
• Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
• Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
• Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
• Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

• Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
• Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
• Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
• Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
• Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
• Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
• Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
• Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
• Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
• Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
• Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Greetings, my lovely German

Time is passing quicker than an ominous cloud rushing across the sky on a windy summer night, passing the moon as if it wants nothing to do with it. In a speed only to be described when talking about

the hyper velocity of gossip spreading from one innocent bystander to another.

Another winter has gone and summer is kicking in. And you know what that means – time to (finally) attain ones objective.

As a typical narcissist, I shall introduce, cover and roundup my letter about myself. You can wipe off that dissimulating mask of surprise you're sporting on your face right now – you know how much I like to be on the spot light ;)

So, the sweet little street lamps, roaming pub regulars and the corners of my actually quite OK room have after all exhausted. The mystery of Loch Ness (my current location) doesn't seem to be so mysterious any more at all, the sound of seagulls has turned into a vague yet longing memory of beautiful places I'd rather be at the moment and the all evil Routine is making its way back into my everyday life again, sneaking in like a craven father of five trying to watch porn without his wife being in an earshot.

Therefore I've taken the freedom of leaving this place behind and moving on. Not yet leaving dear Scotland tho. Not just yet.

From March I'll be a proud resident of the isle of Iona. For three whole months. This time I will not be going on my own. See, my sweet giant German, there has been some interruptions in my holy singleton company. Because this Christmas came differently, this Christmas came with a bewitching kiss of a woman. And she has preoccupied my mind, my heart and my dreams. She has shown me the magic of love and passion again. The magic of having someone next to your naked body in a steaming pitch- dark night, having another terra incognita to explore and conquer, having someone to overwhelm with care, love and curiosity.

I'm positive that this gravitation towards her started with a selfish act of getting what I want just to prove that I can..but I've lost that battle. Because in this game, she is the one who is holding the lead with or without even knowing it. And I have fallen in love with her. And yes, we are practicing giving each other undefinable orgasms, doing things which leave our toffee sauce games in a dark, dark shadow. Mmm....no..actually these two things are quite beyond compare. And God knows how much I wish to crawl back to this dark, dark shadow..every now and again...

Fortunately, her origin has given me a perfect motivation to back my bag and hit the road. See, she's an Australian and she has to wipe off the mud of Scotland of her Doc Martins by June. So, we are going to hitch hike through Europe all the way to my home country..for cultural meanings of course.

Just wanted to let you know that I'm finally going to do it and that I would love to see you before, during or/and after The Trip. Could grab a cuppa or delve into a glorious produce of breweries while trying to catch up and keep up because our last encounter ended too suddenly. Oh, those unavoidable well-meant third party interruptions..

I apologize for the numerous words next to each other,God damn you bloody smoking and hissing greenery, it's not making it easy for me! God damn you and your wonderful side effects!

The Master Plan in picture

Yes - exactly - that's our master plan. organized to the smallest detail ;D with a bit of liquid of some origin..

The Plan

I've generated a plan - The Plan!
The itinerary for our forthcoming soul searching trip :

• Fly out in June (7th perhaps) to Portugal. Or where ever it's cheapest.
• Hitch hike down to Gibraltar
• Take a ferry to Morocco and back
  
• Hitch hike along the coast..Spain, France, arrive to Italy! yeehaa
• Ferry crossing to Creek
• Ferry crossing to Turkey
• Plain to Israel
• and somehow to Jordan
• and journey starts back ..from some way and somehow all the way up to the Baltic states.

Obligatory stops:

• 25th June. Berlin Lesbian and Gay Festival 2011 - Berlin Gay Pride 2011. Celebrating the Berlin's Lesbian and Gay City Festival & Christopher Street Day..Hmmm..look at that..looks like we have to go to Germany as well..have to rewrite the itinerary..well, well

• 6-14 July Bull Running in Spain in Pamplona

• 24th August - La Tomatino, Spain Bunol
• Lesbos..the island.
  

i guess we have to work on logistics

watch out Iona

We are leaving Fort Augustus. Got a job on Hebrides and we're going to stay there till June and then - finally, finally - hitch hiking through Europe to my home country. Don't know how long it's gonna take or what's gonna happen on the road or where we're going to get the necessary finances but - it doesn't really matter, because we can do it! And that's all that matters. We can do anything we want because it's our world and our rules.

And dreams are meant to be brought to fruition.

Some ideas for getting money on the road and before going:

• sell all my unnecessary items on eBay or something like that
• claim back tax and NI contributions
• take money instead of holiday
• work, work, work
• save up
• buy mascots and let people take pictures of us with their children or something like that..basically busking
• buy cold beer and ice cream, a cooler and sell them on beaches
• monetize my blog..hahhaha ..you never know maybe it's actually working..my last option tho..but thinking about setting up my beer fund with the money
• eehmm..please any suggestions more than welcome

Things to do (definitely) before going:

• claim back tax and NI contributions
• buy a camera. Have to get myself mentally prepared for a tiny compact camera and dream on about a new SLR. That's gonna hurt but I think I can do that
• get a proper travel insurance

it's 2.08 am. Just managed to get the last drunkard to bed.
I finished work at 10.00 pm and my attic mates had all gone down to the pub..yes...the ones that made a promise to each other not to go to the fucking pub.
I stuck to my promise..promise I made to myself. At midnight I heard someone coming in and by the hissing and roaring I understood that it was Hershe. The Slovak called me on the door and demanded me to take Hershe over now..because She had to deal with her and got her home..so..therfore..her job was done...For God's sake - she is the bloody whiner every night like a fucking horny April cat behind our door and begging us to go out for a drink with her. Tho she knows exactly how hard we're trying to stay away from drink and save some money as well!! And as if she wants us to go out with her so we could all have a nice evening, have a laugh and a chat. But no - she just needs a handbag (if I use Hershe's phrase) so she could go and salivate all over some guys who have, to their misfortune, paid some attention to her.
Hershe was fucked. She was the splitting image of BB Boy when he was trying to execute the red innocent mop bucket. She fell in the bedroom, trouser half way down, roaring and mumbling unknown words. Then came the smashing up part. Poor little antique table is now a bit disabled. It was strange to see her in that state. I've seen her drunk before. But I hadn't seen her like this before. I don't want to think any further how I felt when I saw her.I don't want to remember how I used to be..and what it must have done my dearest people.
When she realized that I was present and talking to my ex on Skype, she went a bit mental. I managed to save the laptop but all the other things had to go for a little fly around in the room. After a little monologue how much she hates me , and how she doesn't even love me and then how much she actually loves me, she threw me out. By the time she had managed (with lots of extra effort) to take off all her clothes and I was kinda trying to make her decent. Big mistake! when a drunk women wants to be naked in the staff house in the middle of the night and roar around then it's wise to back away..slowly...
so I went to my room and three minutes later she was there. This time I was able to lull her to sleep. Theoretically she starts seven am. Good luck! Left her sleeping in my room and went back to hers. One down..another one to go.
An hour or so later BB boy trashed in, all red faced, apologetic and drunk. I took a deep breath, rubbed my eyes open again, lit up two cigarettes and took in my position of "we're gonna talk some deep shit now".
After half a back of cigarettes, roaring anger and river he cried , I walked him to his room. theoretically he start 6.30 am..
Why does BB Boy cry all the time one might wonder - it all comes down to LOVE. He loves this 19 years old chick and by "he loves" I mean he REALLY, REALLY LOVES this chick but it doesn't seem to him that she is taking things as seriously as he is..Maybe he should spend his energy on talking to her instead of his attic mates..hm..the power love has..Quite amazing.
Theoretically..I start seven am...
will try and get some sleep now..
Oh yes - I told to my boss that I'm leaving in March. Time to move on.

you are you

My coworker (to whom I referred to as God's-Best-Present-for-Women, I shall call Him The Ging Womanizer), mansplained (mansplain - to delighting in condescending, inaccurate explanations delivered with rock solid confidence of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation) that the spectrum of light consists of THREE BASIC! colours...mjahh.riiight...

anyway

Going through The Little Confusion, has given me some pretty good reasons not to get out of bed ..when one could simply just stay in bed for as long as one wishes or in my case - as long as I'm not being threatened to die of OOD ..also known as an Orgasm Over Dose..if it's humanly possible...and if it is, then I wish the length of my death to be infinite
See, the thing is, that She..OK..I've been calling Her .ehm..Her or She..so - from now on She shall be Hershe. Hershe brought me back a present from Glasgow - a little pink thing with batteries which we named Meow..for some obvious reasons ;) and I've never had a sex toy before in my whole quarter of a century long life (Hershe finds the fact to be deeply shocking) and of course I've never ever let anyone to do things to me that She's allowed to do (she finds the fact NR 2 to be deeply shocking as well)..
Point being - I'm calling on all human race to get rid of your pudicity. .at least when it comes to having "sexy time" .. and just to try new things, to release your fantasies, to experiment..with your partner!
Because it's worth it
take my word


Cos all this shit is pretty new to me and I don't know what the fuck to think of it or should I think at all, I did some awereaness excercise in my Internest (Internest -The concoon of blankets, pillows, duvets, and comfy things you gather around yourself to keep warm whilst spending long amounts of time on the internet...God how I love Urban dictionry!)..and here are some results from the Urban Dictionary :

bisexual


"The ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find. '

"The WOMEN that LESBIANS cant stand. Which boggles my mind because Hetero's judge you for your sexual preference, why do the same?
I go to gay clubs, meet a woman..let her know I am Bi...she proceeds to roll her eyes. Ugh."

"Someone who is in all ways attracted to both guys and girls. It is not because they are sex fanatics, or simply can't decide. Being bisexual is not a phase from people who haven't fully come out yet. It is as real as being straight or gay. You might have a preference over one sex, but bisexual means you can be attracted to both genders sexually, physically, and emotionally. In other words, you are fully capable of FALLING IN LOVE with them, just as a woman would fall in love with a man. It's not a circus freak thing.
Sally fucked Jack and Jill, and enjoyed them both.
I am bisexual. "

"Reading some of the above answers showed a rather entertaining mix of beliefs concerning bisexuality, mostly just attacks on it vaguely disguised as definitions. I don't care about the fact that you can write well, it doesn't persuade me that I'm 'mentally ill' at all. Bisexuals, like me, are simply people capable of falling in love with people of either gender. It's a simple matter of love, and NOT a step towards being gay. I acknowledge the fact that there are a lot of people out there who claim to be bisexual when they're really straight/gay/lesbian, but the majority of these are attention seekers. I am NOT to be classed in this category; if I was an attention seeker, everyone would know. I haven't told more than two people in the whole world so far, excluding all the people reading this. And, contrary to popular opinion, bisexual people can hold down relationships with one person at a time. They don't find the need to run off and have sex with the first good looking person they meet. That person is a bigot, not a bisexual. Just because some bigots are bisexual doesn't mean that all bisexuals are bigots.

In conclusion, I'd like to say that bisexuality is a perfectly normal choice that, whether they like to admit it or not, almost 95% of the population of the world is sitting on.
I've always wanted children, ever since I can remember. I've fallen desperately in love with a girl, so deep that it hurts every time I see her. But I fantasize over men and prefer their bodies. I am bisexual - get over it!"

"A bunch of whores who believe they are soo cool because they will fuck anything that walks. They love breaking up happy relationships because of what they want, they will get into relationships dealing with 2 partners. They will have sex with anybody who says "yes." And they mock homosexuality by saying they are just like them, while fucking guys and girls. Mainly just men who are afraid of coming out of the closet, and girls who want attention so desperately that they will be in this club. Bisexuals often try to say that they are just as oppressed as gays which is not true, seeing that almost every bisexual gets their ass kissed, and cock sucked for saying they are."


And something a little bit more scientific or realistic from the Bisexual index page:

"A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all - but their gender doesn't prevent you from being attracted to them. "

Hershe walked in the room for a ciggy break and I told her what I was up to and asked whether she, as a lesbian, hates bisexuals..and therefore me as well.. She gave me a big hug and said:" Don't label yourself, it's no one's business. You are you.'
And that's why I love her

Dub FX - Love Me Or Not

my wee sis sent me this link and ..hmm.that's how it works...that's how it really works..

sober yet high
happy yet sad
together yet alone
don't wanna deal with it on my own..
here but still far far away
two feet on the ground
I can clearly touch the sky
sober yet high
happy yet sad
together yet alone
you can't reach the mind of mine
sober
yet high
high on love
and high on life
high on you
wish you understood