Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Monday, Balvenie and last week

Time is going faster than expected...doesn't it always..we are mastering professional procrastination and exploring the boundaries of brewery side effects. Alongside all that high activity, meeting interesting people from all around the world....such as:

A young woman travelling around with a yellow hat and taking pictures with You wearing The Yellow hat. ..yep.. facebook - Yeloow Hat

an artist who has dedicated his life to passing on the beauty of sacred isle of Iona .. John Yeo. http://users.breathe.com/jyeo/

And yesterday we met an amazing guy with a slight obsession ..of..labyrinths!!! Thousand thanks to him for sharing his book and story.. Thank you, Lars Howlett :)

And ... Hershe introduced me to divine Balvenie!!!! Happy days :)






Friday, May 27, 2011


The last week on Iona has been stirring up some mixed emotions. We've been having some serious talks..ehm..I mean.. as serious talks as two slightly drunken women can ever have. But it all comes down to fact that Hershe has find her second chance, second love ...and I am the second real love...Yes, I can see it in her eyes, I can feel it in her tender and loving touch.
Well..fair enough being second, we are grown up people and can't and to be perfectly honest - wouldn't even want to presuppose to be The First and Only..but knowing the magnitude of her love has proven yet another perverse side of me - more than loving someone I need to be loved! There is nothing more important for me than being loved, wanted and desired. It nourishes me. I don't need to love , I need to feed on someone else's love towards me. And that makes me strong and content.
And I am so content that it is sickening!
There is no pain or sadness or mark of depression left and ..and..I miss all that. There is no drama left...everything is just tooo OK. Too nice and too damn obvious. And I can't take it.. I mean, sure I can but I don't want to. I can't focus without my misery. I need back my pathetic sorrow..
I've been asked to contribute some works on the island's art exhibition..but I just can't create a thing in such a happy mental state I am at the moment...without my misery it's like.. like..masturbating while watching documentary about the genetic mutations of perennial peas.. .it's just not gonna happen!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Isn't it funny how such seemingly random encounters have such an impact on us and how inspiring they can be.
An ordinary day behind the bar. An ordinary guy behind the bar. An ordinary elderly couple sitting under the window. An ordinary chat between me and the guy. About his cycling holiday. The old guy overheard us and stepped into the conversation. He had Alzheimer's. His partner just reminded him to walk out of the toilet half an hour earlier. He told the story of his glory times cycling round the world....Moments after he comes over and buys the young fella a pint. "For good old times" He says. And probably forgot about it minutes later..
I was close to crying.
Our trip is getting some form now..things are starting to come together and an idea is forming out...Currently in contact with Alzheimer's Society for advice what would be the best way for fundraising for their charity. Our cycling tour will be a fundraising tour.
Hershe's got a long history of Alzheimer's running in her family and Alzheimer's is her biggest fear. Our journey is dedicated to her grandfather Lawrence Percy Heartwig.
Mind and body should always exit together!!!!
In process of launching our website www.heels2wheels.com and most probably will start with a fresh sheet as well - a new blog...
Any tips and useful links for fundraising , finding a sponsor, about cycling or anything at all - always more than welcome!!!!!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Staffa. Second try.

Seals sunbathing



Hopefully I can get you some pictures from inside the cave as well..on my third return












Pal and Paul touring our trip. Pal is one of the children who's involved in the business and living on the island. The sisters are working in the shops, run B&B's and a pub, cafe, restaurant. Three sisters and a brother..all working and living side by side under their parents eyes.


Saturdays are my days off.. There's a wedding on the island..so..of course I HAD to go back down to the pub after work. Had two drambuies with crabbies yesterday. And today is my day OFF. if you now what i mean ;) I really can't drink decent amounts anymore. It's almost embarrassing.
So..this morning..two options - to clean the house or hop on a boat to Staffa.
My first attempt to go to Staffa remained a nice view on the horizon because of the stormy sea ..we could not land.
This time - we landed!
and ..I forgot to charge my camera and to take my watch/mobile with me. But I still managed to get some pictures and get back on the boat just on time. If you do have a chance, go and see Staffa. It's quite an extraordinary island..with it's mystical caves, Puffins and of course the island itself, formed of those stone columns.
Working on Iona has some nice advantages..such as free boat trips..because most of the island businesses are owned by one family, whom I work for, including the boat tours. Happy days!




Thursday, May 5, 2011


Hershe's heart on her cheek

hangover walk on a sunny Saturday


The post office alley
Why the hell is commitment so terrifying???!!!
After all these pink fluffy cloud dreams and talks, I've been scared shitless ..and why..oh , you'll laugh. Damn you Facebook!!!
Hershe has changed her status from "single" to "in a relationship", added pictures of me an so on.
Damn you, Facebook!
You are nothing, my dear Facebook and wasn't being recognised as a real couple, been my wish for all these five months we've spent together anyway?
Then why the hell has this bloody pair of words on some insignificant social site being so bothering???
It even put me off sex.
Damn you, Facebook - no one is allowed to put me off sex!!!!
Revenge will be sweet!!!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Staffa

http://www.southernhebrides.com/staffa.html
Was too scared to go inside on my own :)


Vagina looking cave


Green jacuuuuzy!


Perfect spot for a little nap..


Hidden cave on the South coast of Iona


There is no chance encounters


"28.April 2011
I wish I had a typewriter installed in my head because it's constantly producing writing material..on every step I take, with every sun beam I see..constant flow of thoughts..and as soon as I sit behind the computer and actually have Internet connection to write something - it's blank!
so here I am on my afternoon break, all by myself with a little note on the bed "CU2nite I@U xxx" ( @ - haven't got a heart key).."

must have fallen asleep because that's exactly where it ends in my notebook

"30 April 2011
I'm sitting at the very end of a cliff top, waves crushing against the rocks.
It's my day off. Woke up with a minor hangover from last nights disco. Disco - yes, a real disco on the island. Don't laugh! Theme - surprise, surprise - wedding.
But it's such a glorious day to be wasted on healing in bed.
It's quite incredible, the surrounding I mean. I've found a wind shelter behind a stone, a small and dry patch of grass with an open view to the Ocean. It's amazing and powerful. It almost makes me wanna cry...just like when I had an Alzheimer's guy in the bar with the most caring partner or when a family ran on the ferry and forgot a wee boy behind ..standing on the chair ..
Now I know how the Ocean feels like. I can feel it.
About feeling things -
I used to think that I want to SEE the world but now I want to FEEL the world and experience how the world makes me feel, how my mind, body and soul will respond to the world.
I've been dancing all night in my high heels, returned home about 5 am, worked 10 and a half hours just before it and the sun is working it's magic..my eyelids are becoming heavier and heavier. I might just curl up on the grass and take a little nap..hopefully not falling off the cliff!

Several hours have passed and I'm been walking along the rough coast line, climbed the rocks, taken few breaks and now sitting on the edge of the South coast of Iona and I REALISED JUST RIGHT NOW what true happiness is.
I can feel my whole body smiling, my face is smiling, my skin is smiling, my toes, my heart and even my spine is smiling. Everything seems extraordinary beautiful and I'm filled with pure love and content. I've got someone I love with every molecule and I'm being loved in return. I feel so free. This feeling is quite sensational.
I guess I really ought to explain what happened after Hershe had read the letter and I returned home.
She sure was not talking to me. And I subconsciously returned to my old control drama -being aloof ( more information about control dramas - The Celestine Prophecy), inherited from my childhood. From my mother. After realizing that I'm again being stuck in it, I took some action and approached Her, asking her to let me know when ever she's ready to talk.
And I waited. And waited.
Went to bed. And waited.
When she finally came to bedroom - still not a word. Killed the light and crawled to the other side of the bed.
And I waited. Nothing.
Then I put my arms around her and asked what was going on because I did not understand that kind of behaviour. She pushed me away.
And I waited.
I heard her weeping. And I knew that the time was right.
What had happened was that she understood the first bit of my letter and then got into her head that there's a guy I cannot stop thinking about. And she thought - this is it.
And it made her realize how deeply she really loves me. I felt it in the air, in her shaking body, I saw it in her eyes.
Me being loaded with loads of positive energy from the day, remained calm and strong. My calmness even surprised me a bit. So I explained to her everything. How I've never had a vision of us being together in the future, that it has still been a classical manandawifewithchildren model and how Charlie had somehow made me see that. And think about it. He proved that I can trust myself, that I don't need the constant attention from men, that I don't need to keep my options always open. That I don't have to constantly keep my eyes open for seeking perfection.
There is no perfection. We are humans.
And this is my happiness. My happiness is with her. This night, this letter and Charlie had changed everything. Our relationship was taken into another higher level, emotional level. We didn't have a platonic relationship with Hershe before we hooked up and we have to make it all up now. Start getting to know each other. " I like getting to know you" she says through her tears..
The trust and freedom we have now has made everything so real. We are waking up with smiles on our faces .we now know how we really feel about each other, we have opened up and all the fears have seem to be vanished.
Content is the word.
Content and happiness.
Not only I feel euphoria ,as one feels being in love, when I'm around her - I'm able to feel the euphoria all the time now.
Tho I do miss her even right now, to share this magnificent sight and emotions I'm going through, I'm still content. And her absence is not paralysing any more.
I would like to spend every possible moment with her..but at the same time ,wish to spend well every moment when it's not possible to be with her.
We have reached the "comfortable silence moment" level. You know what I'm talking about, don't you..
Having learned how to enjoy myself without her has made being with her even more enjoyable. Seeing each other again releases flushes of sensational joy!
It's good to be loved and to love.
That's way I had to meet Charlie in my life. And I did let him know about his impact to our lives..
and looks like some other lives have been touched as well..

Sunday, April 24, 2011

"My darling Hershe,
I've gone up to the North beach to figure out some answers for the questions I've been keeping in the back of my head, so I could see more clearly why exactly has the path led me into this place and why have I met the people I've met.
And to reassure to myself that the sacrifice (being here) is worth making in order to make our goal to come true.
But there's something I've been wanting to tell you. We have becoming the victims of person addiction.
Let me explain.
I love you. I really do and without doubting you, I know that you love me too. I trust that feeling. And this trust will keep us away from becoming jealous which leads to betrayal and from there on to hatred til we can't stand the sight of each other anymore. And only because we loved each other so much and became addicted of one another.
What I'm trying to say is that we have to let go of addiction so we are not stopping each other from evolving and growing as two individuals.
What I'm talking about is the paralysing feeling when one is waiting the other to come home. And that's all we can do. Because we can't function before the other one is close enough. But we must become over that, cos it is not letting us to live, sorry, to enjoy every moment we have on earth.
We have to learn that.
I want you to block out the feeling of anxiety when I'm not around. Then you have two options:
1) come and see me (meet me)
2)or go out and be open to what ever the day has to offer or be creative or productive or just take time for yourself. Indulge in yourself.

Anything but STOP WAITING.
And I'll try to do the same.
I have to admit that this is not easy because I'm constantly thinking of you, wishing you were here. So I could just feel your presence.
But being like this is cutting us out of the rest of the world. I hope you don't take this message in a wrong way. And when we see each other again I hope I can explain more clearly.
I love and can't wait to see you, to hold you, to see your familiar smile, to hear your voice and smell your skin.

Meanwhile.
I'll be up on the North Coast. Perhaps reading my book,
watching the waves.
Maybe meeting someone interesting to talk to.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll take a bottle of wine with me and two glasses (one for you in case you decide to come up there) or just in case someone else comes, so I could share my wine and start up a conversation by offering a glass of wine.
Interaction with other people is so very important as I've learned from the last week or two. I will explain that one to you later on. It involves Charlie and the reason I've met him. And what he has taught me without even realizing it himself.
I've been thinking about him a lot, about our conversations and the amount of time I've spent thinking about him. it was scaring me.
But today I realised why it all had happened. And I can't wait to explain that to you.
Hershe,
I am so grateful that you have let me to love you because love doesn't just happen - love needs to be given a chance..the green light.
If I don't see you on the beach, I will see you in the evening after you finish work.
Think about what I said (wrote) and try to understand what I meant.
The last thing I want to happen to us is us suffocating our love and not meaning to do that.I want to love you consciously and work towards supporting each others personal growth and self discoveries.
Love,
Chica"

that's my letter to Hershe..things didn't turn out as well as I hoped...

to be continued..


Thursday, April 21, 2011

End of April...already

As you may have noticed - Internet is the biggest deficit in my life at the moment..but fortunately there's plenty of other things to compensate that..such as..ehm..sunshine, the Ocean..dolphins right under my window at work (imagine pouring a pint and watching dolphins playing away..well..actually I had to take out my binoculars and press myself against the window and force myself quiet every time after I screeched with excitement..every time I saw them jumping and diving into the blue Ocean again..but ..you get the picture, don't you?), Herse next to me..with Her constant panic attacks and over pouring love..and yes - it wouldn't be the same without the maturing bloody fantastic sex..which just makes you fucking smile! Few interesting people who keep reappearing on the other side of the bar. An English artist who is expecting a written report on his piece which is hanging in the Abbey..should mention that I haven't actually seen it yet..
and then there's Charlie..oh..Charlie..He's a 32 years old male from England as well..recently survived a horrific car crash, three months in coma and now rewriting his life story. He's a very spellbinding talking partner..and I'm sure that a bystander could entwine the (sexual) energy between us. Which makes the action of discussion even more interesting and passionate. But I know that I'm playing with fire..until he finds out that I'm living with someone. Surely he senses something (or more realistically has heard something) about me and Herse, and he has even failed few attempts to scrutinize about the depth of our relationship. It has been fun and very entertaining.
What else... our boss still abominates Herse..I've given up on trying to start a conversation with my boss.can't be bothered. She's an old miserable c*** who just needs a good fuck to put the bloody smile back on her face. She started working here to her mum when she was 12 years old and that was about forty years ago..still single..no children..

our housemate, Lord Darren, is a pure angel..such a sweet and innocent heart and a good company. He will be missed when we take of to our little trip..
Speaking of which..
So we are flying out on the seventh of June to Portugal, Lisbon. after long nights of calculating (hhahahaha..read out..lifting cans of beer and repeating "we should definitely start planning now.." " Yeah, we should indeed.") we decided to get the flight to Lisbon (cheapest option) and find a pair of used bikes from there. So that's the plan.. And, oh yeah, ordered Europe's road atlas yesterday..
So that's the short description of what has recently happened and just to say, that please do keep on checking my blog. I will detail it up as soon as i can pull myself together and go a bit deeper what's going on in my head..but for now..oh goodness sake - the sun is shining and it's violating my human rights to sit inside..gotta go!!!!!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

no Internet. no phone coverage. Will publish my notes from my notebook one day. Flying out to Portugal 7th June.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Isle of Iona






We got to the island on Monday evening..despite starting our journey from Fort Augustus at 9.43 am. After three buses, two ferry rides, a warm welcome with fresh milk in the fridge (current flatmate doesn't drink milk herself ) and a refreshing pint of lager I soon realized that every thing's gonna be alright. The vibes in the place were positive...or should I now say the spirits of the land said so..
even all the signs I've received so far have showed me that I'm on the right track..found a heart shaped piece of glass just a day before leaving FA and a heart shaped pebble today :)
It's my first day off today, had a nice wonder around on the north side of the island, saw the breathtaking turquoise ocean, sandy beach..and felt so content. Yesterday I met Polly (who quite obviously was Paul before) with her little Jack Russel called Moon and she gave me a green pebble from Columba beach which she blessed and loaded with positive energy, I took the green pebble up to the hill top and rested it amongst the other stones an pebbles gathered to form a statue of luck..or something like that, asking the Soul of
Earth or the Hand of Destiny to keep us together. I know, I know - don't say a word...
Having spent few sunny hours climbing on the rocks and measuring the sand dunes I frightened myself with a realisation of the complexity of my own thought - it would be difficult to write it down but it was something similar to a picture in a picture effect.. I was having a thought about how I had a thought and I was thinking of sharing the thought with Hershe when I realized the absurdity of the situation and thinking about telling how i realised how ridiculous thought I had which was like a never ending track on a broken vinyl. blah..that doesn't really make any sense, does it..Basically I got lost in my own thought and I didn't know how to stop it or find a way out..

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Egg, by Andy Weir


You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

daily wisdom

Stop the world from spinning!

One too many drinks left you dizzy? Put your hand on something stable. The part of your ear responsible for balance—the cupula—floats in a fluid of the same density as blood. “As alcohol dilutes blood in the cupula, the cupula becomes less dense and rises,” says Dr. Schaffer. This confuses your brain. The tactile input from a stable object gives the brain a second opinion, and you feel more in balance. Because the nerves in the hand are so sensitive, this works better than the conventional foot-on-the-floor wisdom.

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Louis Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Da Vinci, and Albert Einstein.” ~H. Jackson Brown

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

hmm..

supernatural

Spent the evening sitting in BB Boy's deluxe department (read out - the average attic bedroom with a roof window..) and exchanging our supernatural experiences and encounters with ghosts and other.ehm..spirits.
Such as his encounter with a small boy in Mario's pyjamas sitting on the hand rail in front of his bedroom...
Bloody hell..so much of a decent sleep tonight. Lights will remain on.

weekly report

The week has passed under a blurry high speed sleeping marathon star and I've mastered the art of gloriously productive procrastination - retraced a significant number of old acquaintances (dear Lord, thank You for the insemination of Mark Zuckerberg), spent a stupid amount of time putting things on..such as cleaning, packing, organizing, writing letters to people who have helped me over the last two years in UK, finishing "Nineteen eighty-four", getting or making some leaving prezzies for the attic mates and so on..
Instead..I've been thinking "huh..tomorrow..." and closed my eyes..
I was hoping this week to be very productive, cos Hershe is away in Amsterdam..presumably smoking her brains out ...but ..NO. Nothing.
I miss my camera...feel a bit disabled without it.
Been checking out various ways to travel around Europe and found another interesting idea - cycling through Europe.

Pros and cons for cycling and hitch hiking

Cycling pros:
boss of your own time
no waiting
no asking
no refusals
no bags on your back
can choose any route
can stop everywhere and whenever
no "no smoking" rule on the bike!
can go everywhere
get fed up - can sell your bike
going down hill..yeeeeeeeeee!!!!
meeting a lot of people on the way
getting from one camp site to another
cheap
healthy
a lot of views to enjoy

Cycling cons:
worry about the bike
possibility of a break down
theft
aching arse..at least for the first few weeks
where to keep the bike when hiking or doing the hills/mountains?
up hills...noooooooooo!!!
speed of moving on

Hitch hiking pros:
fast
comfortable and warm
can sit down
meeting interesting people
cheap
good when it's raining

hitch hiking cons:
possibility of meeting dodgy people
a lot of waiting
moving mainly from one petrol station to another
usually no smoking in the cars :)
can't stop whenever you see a view..to take a picture
can't turn when you see an interesting road that turns to another direction








Saturday, March 5, 2011

Check out iExplore - Contest Entry


Check out http://photocontest.iexplore.com/images/view/6815

OK , here it is..I'm asking for your help..it only takes a click..just click..I know you want to.. click..click, click...clickidiclick. . .

Click
click, click...

Help me to get around the world...these tickets would be a huge step for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you for voting!!!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Brunch reading

A cup of tea, two toasts..because the steak pie I found on the table..was meant to be eaten last century. But I tried and confirmed. Quick check on emails, Facebook, photo sites etc and I came across this lovely piece of literature to go with my brunch:


Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows

25/08/2010
  • Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
  • Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
  • Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
  • Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
  • Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
  • Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

  • Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
  • Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
  • Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
  • Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
  • Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
  • Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
  • Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
  • British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
  • Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
  • Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
  • Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
  • Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
  • Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
  • Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
  • Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Greetings, my lovely German



Time is passing quicker than an ominous cloud rushing across the sky on a windy summer night, passing the moon as if it wants nothing to do with it. In a speed only to be described when talking about
the hyper velocity of gossip spreading from one innocent bystander to another.
Another winter has gone and summer is kicking in. And you know what that means – time to (finally) attain ones objective.
As a typical narcissist, I shall introduce, cover and roundup my letter about myself. You can wipe off that dissimulating mask of surprise you're sporting on your face right now – you know how much I like to be on the spot light ;)
So, the sweet little street lamps, roaming pub regulars and the corners of my actually quite OK room have after all exhausted. The mystery of Loch Ness (my current location) doesn't seem to be so mysterious any more at all, the sound of seagulls has turned into a vague yet longing memory of beautiful places I'd rather be at the moment and the all evil Routine is making its way back into my everyday life again, sneaking in like a craven father of five trying to watch porn without his wife being in an earshot.
Therefore I've taken the freedom of leaving this place behind and moving on. Not yet leaving dear Scotland tho. Not just yet.
From March I'll be a proud resident of the isle of Iona. For three whole months. This time I will not be going on my own. See, my sweet giant German, there has been some interruptions in my holy singleton company. Because this Christmas came differently, this Christmas came with a bewitching kiss of a woman. And she has preoccupied my mind, my heart and my dreams. She has shown me the magic of love and passion again. The magic of having someone next to your naked body in a steaming pitch- dark night, having another terra incognita to explore and conquer, having someone to overwhelm with care, love and curiosity.
I'm positive that this gravitation towards her started with a selfish act of getting what I want just to prove that I can..but I've lost that battle. Because in this game, she is the one who is holding the lead with or without even knowing it. And I have fallen in love with her. And yes, we are practicing giving each other undefinable orgasms, doing things which leave our toffee sauce games in a dark, dark shadow. Mmm....no..actually these two things are quite beyond compare. And God knows how much I wish to crawl back to this dark, dark shadow..every now and again...
Fortunately, her origin has given me a perfect motivation to back my bag and hit the road. See, she's an Australian and she has to wipe off the mud of Scotland of her Doc Martins by June. So, we are going to hitch hike through Europe all the way to my home country..for cultural meanings of course.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm finally going to do it and that I would love to see you before, during or/and after The Trip. Could grab a cuppa or delve into a glorious produce of breweries while trying to catch up and keep up because our last encounter ended too suddenly. Oh, those unavoidable well-meant third party interruptions..
I apologize for the numerous words next to each other,God damn you bloody smoking and hissing greenery, it's not making it easy for me! God damn you and your wonderful side effects!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Master Plan in picture





Yes - exactly - that's our master plan. organized to the smallest detail ;D with a bit of liquid of some origin..

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Plan

I've generated a plan - The Plan!
The itinerary for our forthcoming soul searching trip :
  • Fly out in June (7th perhaps) to Portugal. Or where ever it's cheapest.
  • Hitch hike down to Gibraltar
  • Take a ferry to Morocco and back
  • Hitch hike along the coast..Spain, France, arrive to Italy! yeehaa
  • Ferry crossing to Creek
  • Ferry crossing to Turkey
  • Plain to Israel
  • and somehow to Jordan
  • and journey starts back ..from some way and somehow all the way up to the Baltic states.

Obligatory stops:
  • 25th June. Berlin Lesbian and Gay Festival 2011 - Berlin Gay Pride 2011. Celebrating the Berlin's Lesbian and Gay City Festival & Christopher Street Day..Hmmm..look at that..looks like we have to go to Germany as well..have to rewrite the itinerary..well, well

  • 6-14 July Bull Running in Spain in Pamplona
  • 24th August - La Tomatino, Spain Bunol
  • Lesbos..the island.
i guess we have to work on logistics

Saturday, February 12, 2011

watch out Iona

We are leaving Fort Augustus. Got a job on Hebrides and we're going to stay there till June and then - finally, finally - hitch hiking through Europe to my home country. Don't know how long it's gonna take or what's gonna happen on the road or where we're going to get the necessary finances but - it doesn't really matter, because we can do it! And that's all that matters. We can do anything we want because it's our world and our rules.
And dreams are meant to be brought to fruition.

Some ideas for getting money on the road and before going:
  • sell all my unnecessary items on eBay or something like that
  • claim back tax and NI contributions
  • take money instead of holiday
  • work, work, work
  • save up
  • buy mascots and let people take pictures of us with their children or something like that..basically busking
  • buy cold beer and ice cream, a cooler and sell them on beaches
  • monetize my blog..hahhaha ..you never know maybe it's actually working..my last option tho..but thinking about setting up my beer fund with the money
  • eehmm..please any suggestions more than welcome

Things to do (definitely) before going:
  • claim back tax and NI contributions
  • buy a camera. Have to get myself mentally prepared for a tiny compact camera and dream on about a new SLR. That's gonna hurt but I think I can do that
  • get a proper travel insurance


Thursday, February 10, 2011

it's 2.08 am. Just managed to get the last drunkard to bed.
I finished work at 10.00 pm and my attic mates had all gone down to the pub..yes...the ones that made a promise to each other not to go to the fucking pub.
I stuck to my promise..promise I made to myself. At midnight I heard someone coming in and by the hissing and roaring I understood that it was Hershe. The Slovak called me on the door and demanded me to take Hershe over now..because She had to deal with her and got her home..so..therfore..her job was done...For God's sake - she is the bloody whiner every night like a fucking horny April cat behind our door and begging us to go out for a drink with her. Tho she knows exactly how hard we're trying to stay away from drink and save some money as well!! And as if she wants us to go out with her so we could all have a nice evening, have a laugh and a chat. But no - she just needs a handbag (if I use Hershe's phrase) so she could go and salivate all over some guys who have, to their misfortune, paid some attention to her.
Hershe was fucked. She was the splitting image of BB Boy when he was trying to execute the red innocent mop bucket. She fell in the bedroom, trouser half way down, roaring and mumbling unknown words. Then came the smashing up part. Poor little antique table is now a bit disabled. It was strange to see her in that state. I've seen her drunk before. But I hadn't seen her like this before. I don't want to think any further how I felt when I saw her.I don't want to remember how I used to be..and what it must have done my dearest people.
When she realized that I was present and talking to my ex on Skype, she went a bit mental. I managed to save the laptop but all the other things had to go for a little fly around in the room. After a little monologue how much she hates me , and how she doesn't even love me and then how much she actually loves me, she threw me out. By the time she had managed (with lots of extra effort) to take off all her clothes and I was kinda trying to make her decent. Big mistake! when a drunk women wants to be naked in the staff house in the middle of the night and roar around then it's wise to back away..slowly...
so I went to my room and three minutes later she was there. This time I was able to lull her to sleep. Theoretically she starts seven am. Good luck! Left her sleeping in my room and went back to hers. One down..another one to go.
An hour or so later BB boy trashed in, all red faced, apologetic and drunk. I took a deep breath, rubbed my eyes open again, lit up two cigarettes and took in my position of "we're gonna talk some deep shit now".
After half a back of cigarettes, roaring anger and river he cried , I walked him to his room. theoretically he start 6.30 am..
Why does BB Boy cry all the time one might wonder - it all comes down to LOVE. He loves this 19 years old chick and by "he loves" I mean he REALLY, REALLY LOVES this chick but it doesn't seem to him that she is taking things as seriously as he is..Maybe he should spend his energy on talking to her instead of his attic mates..hm..the power love has..Quite amazing.
Theoretically..I start seven am...
will try and get some sleep now..
Oh yes - I told to my boss that I'm leaving in March. Time to move on.

Friday, February 4, 2011

you are you

My coworker (to whom I referred to as God's-Best-Present-for-Women, I shall call Him The Ging Womanizer), mansplained (mansplain - to delighting in condescending, inaccurate explanations delivered with rock solid confidence of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation) that the spectrum of light consists of THREE BASIC! colours...mjahh.riiight...

anyway

Going through The Little Confusion, has given me some pretty good reasons not to get out of bed ..when one could simply just stay in bed for as long as one wishes or in my case - as long as I'm not being threatened to die of OOD ..also known as an Orgasm Over Dose..if it's humanly possible...and if it is, then I wish the length of my death to be infinite
See, the thing is, that She..OK..I've been calling Her .ehm..Her or She..so - from now on She shall be Hershe. Hershe brought me back a present from Glasgow - a little pink thing with batteries which we named Meow..for some obvious reasons ;) and I've never had a sex toy before in my whole quarter of a century long life (Hershe finds the fact to be deeply shocking) and of course I've never ever let anyone to do things to me that She's allowed to do (she finds the fact NR 2 to be deeply shocking as well)..
Point being - I'm calling on all human race to get rid of your pudicity. .at least when it comes to having "sexy time" .. and just to try new things, to release your fantasies, to experiment..with your partner!
Because it's worth it
take my word


Cos all this shit is pretty new to me and I don't know what the fuck to think of it or should I think at all, I did some awereaness excercise in my Internest (Internest -The concoon of blankets, pillows, duvets, and comfy things you gather around yourself to keep warm whilst spending long amounts of time on the internet...God how I love Urban dictionry!)..and here are some results from the Urban Dictionary :

bisexual


"The ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.
'





"The WOMEN that LESBIANS cant stand. Which boggles my mind because Hetero's judge you for your sexual preference, why do the same?
I go to gay clubs, meet a woman..let her know I am Bi...she proceeds to roll her eyes. Ugh."

"Someone who is in all ways attracted to both guys and girls. It is not because they are sex fanatics, or simply can't decide. Being bisexual is not a phase from people who haven't fully come out yet. It is as real as being straight or gay. You might have a preference over one sex, but bisexual means you can be attracted to both genders sexually, physically, and emotionally. In other words, you are fully capable of FALLING IN LOVE with them, just as a woman would fall in love with a man. It's not a circus freak thing.
Sally fucked Jack and Jill, and enjoyed them both.
I am bisexual. "

"Reading some of the above answers showed a rather entertaining mix of beliefs concerning bisexuality, mostly just attacks on it vaguely disguised as definitions. I don't care about the fact that you can write well, it doesn't persuade me that I'm 'mentally ill' at all. Bisexuals, like me, are simply people capable of falling in love with people of either gender. It's a simple matter of love, and NOT a step towards being gay. I acknowledge the fact that there are a lot of people out there who claim to be bisexual when they're really straight/gay/lesbian, but the majority of these are attention seekers. I am NOT to be classed in this category; if I was an attention seeker, everyone would know. I haven't told more than two people in the whole world so far, excluding all the people reading this. And, contrary to popular opinion, bisexual people can hold down relationships with one person at a time. They don't find the need to run off and have sex with the first good looking person they meet. That person is a bigot, not a bisexual. Just because some bigots are bisexual doesn't mean that all bisexuals are bigots.

In conclusion, I'd like to say that bisexuality is a perfectly normal choice that, whether they like to admit it or not, almost 95% of the population of the world is sitting on.
I've always wanted children, ever since I can remember. I've fallen desperately in love with a girl, so deep that it hurts every time I see her. But I fantasize over men and prefer their bodies. I am bisexual - get over it!"

"A bunch of whores who believe they are soo cool because they will fuck anything that walks. They love breaking up happy relationships because of what they want, they will get into relationships dealing with 2 partners. They will have sex with anybody who says "yes." And they mock homosexuality by saying they are just like them, while fucking guys and girls. Mainly just men who are afraid of coming out of the closet, and girls who want attention so desperately that they will be in this club. Bisexuals often try to say that they are just as oppressed as gays which is not true, seeing that almost every bisexual gets their ass kissed, and cock sucked for saying they are."


And something a little bit more scientific or realistic from the Bisexual index page:

"A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all - but their gender doesn't prevent you from being attracted to them. "

Hershe walked in the room for a ciggy break and I told her what I was up to and asked whether she, as a lesbian, hates bisexuals..and therefore me as well.. She gave me a big hug and said:" Don't label yourself, it's no one's business. You are you.'
And that's why I love her