The last week on Iona has been stirring up some mixed emotions. We've been having some serious talks..ehm..I mean.. as serious talks as two slightly drunken women can ever have. But it all comes down to fact that Hershe has find her second chance, second love ...and I am the second real love...Yes, I can see it in her eyes, I can feel it in her tender and loving touch.
Well..fair enough being second, we are grown up people and can't and to be perfectly honest - wouldn't even want to presuppose to be The First and Only..but knowing the magnitude of her love has proven yet another perverse side of me - more than loving someone I need to be loved! There is nothing more important for me than being loved, wanted and desired. It nourishes me. I don't need to love , I need to feed on someone else's love towards me. And that makes me strong and content.
And I am so content that it is sickening!
There is no pain or sadness or mark of depression left and ..and..I miss all that. There is no drama left...everything is just tooo OK. Too nice and too damn obvious. And I can't take it.. I mean, sure I can but I don't want to. I can't focus without my misery. I need back my pathetic sorrow..
I've been asked to contribute some works on the island's art exhibition..but I just can't create a thing in such a happy mental state I am at the moment...without my misery it's like.. like..masturbating while watching documentary about the genetic mutations of perennial peas.. .it's just not gonna happen!