Alfa human

It was just an ordinary day..an ordinary day in my concept..just another day when I made up my mind to be someone rather than to be just someone....on the day we went to see Susan Collis's exhibition "Since I fell for You", I decided to be an Alfa Human. I didn't step out the door thinking - I'll be an alfa human today..I didn't even know what an alfa human is..or how it looks like..or how it feels like to be one..

I took the term in use after Anu, who was talking about alfa pedestrians..she made some remarks to explain the necessity to improve my alfa pedestrian skills ( I have a habit to bump into people and other various obstacles).

so there we were..in Ikon Gallery..I was totally taken back by her work..I really found it brilliant. It worked..I walked in the room and ..I was ..hmm..confused..initial thoughts such as "oh, we're late. They've taken the exhibition down.."rushed through my mind..a little bit of sadness. then I realised that it must be it..because people were staring at the bits and pieces on the floor and ..they were investigating the walls..My second thought was: "oh, no..not another ultra modern stuff..like - look, I've put this junk on the floor ..Aren't I ingenious?!!" I've seen that kind of things and..well..you just can't call EVERYTHING art. There has to be a twist. Susan had a twist..everything I saw, was made out of noble metal and wood and ..pearls..and all that kind of things..it was just amazing..You have to see it yourself.

Anyway..after Susan it was Ron Terada's turn..and he just didn't float by boat..I couldn't get him at all..maybe it's just me..

But there was something..something that hooked me on the place..he had a soundtrack for his work..and it was set up in a separate dark booth with those comfy baggy thingies you can sit on.

So we took our places..and floated away to the dramworld..well..I did..she was a bit restless..Did I mention that the soundtrack lasted for 45 minutes...

While she was fiddling round I whispered to her:"We are alfa humans..." not sure if she understood me or not..

I felt sorry for those people..it's just pathetic..why didn't they come in? Why didn't they sit down with us..why didn't they sit down with two total strangers just for 45 minutes..in the dark room? They were pathetic - I could almost feel their uneasiness, their growing discomfort..I could read their thoughts..would it have been to ..too,too inconvenient..poor , poor people..can't even share a public place when there's a tiny bit of intimacy present!

And I've been telling people about my loyal little secret spirit..that there's someone with me..and I don't care what they think about me..It's my head, my world, my dreams and my imagination..so why can't I have my imaginary friends..the hole nation of Christians are aloud to have one..so why can't I have one..Still confirming myself that that's what makes me an alfa human..I dare to say out loud that I have imaginary friends! And why not?!

so I had been glowing my alfa human glory for two days when I sat down with our assistant manager and I asked her whether she was familiar with the alfa human theory (secretly hoping for a negative answer and a conformation that there is no such thing)..and ..she burst my bubble with such a delicate swing of machete as you can ever imagine..BANG!

Apparently alfa humans have always been human's utinam..to create someone who is über intelligent, über beautiful, fit and so on and on...über in every way

And didn't Nietzsche have something to say about alfa humans..and didn't he went a bit..you know..TOO into his own world? hmm... and Huxley is writing about alfa humans in his book "Brave New World"..

Well, well, well..

a gamma human then perhaps.....

Me and my supernatural powers

On the 27.February ( http://hypnoticcloud.blogspot.com/2010/02/erotic-lesbian-dream.html ) I'm writing about my creepy lesbian dream I had..

Well...on the 1. April our new manager started to work..and surprise , surprise - she's gay!

What were you saying about those super hyper uber natural powers...?

And who needs a boyfriend anyway when I keep finding stuff from the grass..today it was a lovely bracelet..Maybe I should make a list of stuff I need, so You shouldn't have to bother with sending me random objects..hmm

exigency

My heart is longing to be somewhere else..always somewhere else. When will there be a time when it stops longing..to go away..to go where?!

I don't know..doesn't matter where..as long as..somewhere..

Thank you, Mr Mystical!

Two days after I had "predicted" my path in life, my destiny..something even more peculiar happened. We were lying in the rabbit holes, just enjoying the sun and discussing about Christian views on gay people (in the morning I had a debate on the subject with my boss..who is a reverend), the sun was high above us and birds formed a nice peaceful cacophony with M5. At dinner time we started to walk back to the house and something caught my eye in the grass..in the middle of nowhere..I piked up a keyring and a coin..to well-define, the key ring was a character from a cartoon..but that's irrelevant ..what matters is - it had only ONE eye and a BIG smile!!!! Just like my coffee prediction cup draw in itself! And it must mean one thing and one thing only - The Mental Condition isn't far away any more....

I know that some one or some thing is communing with me ..or is it my Guardian Angel who is looking after me, playing with me and making sure that I'm not suffering with boredom..to be fair - in that case "it" has a really good sense of humour!

And half penny! It's not even a hole penny! Because I was bragging with my luck? Perhaps..but it's not quite as random as it may seem - one of my dearest is collecting coins and I've been sending him English coins..and now I can send this one as well..Not quite so random..

Oh, I think I really like my Mr Angel G..or is it my own personal Alberto Knox..

I refuse to believe that it's just a mere coincidence..what is coincidence? Disability to see magical things in life, to find felicity in simple happenings..

I no longer feel so lonely..inside my head

And if you are wondering why Mr..well..it's my world and I'm the director ..so ..go-as-you-please is my philosophy in here..

Coffee predictions part II

And by the looks of it it could mean that I have a Guardian Angel looking after me, always making sure my well being is up to date and corresponds to the new Child Protection Regulations ..or some similar regulations.

OOOOORRRR..it's just another medical condition that makes you a tiny, tiny bit paranoid..about...EVERYTHING..like some one's watching you..all the time

and everywhere

watching

watching

The Eye..

coffee predictions

According to this cup..I think I'll have a pretty happy life. Laughter? Fun. Friendly people..Riiiiiiight - welcome to the WORLD! Most probably it means some sort of mental condition which requires everlasting empty smile..Can't wait!

grated carrot story

After telling my sister about my New Year's Eve which I spent with 4 gay guys, she lowered her voice and said ever so sympathetically : " Oh, it's as good as giving a grated carrot to a nun!"

fasting

Woke up in the morning. Opened my eyes. Dragged one leg out of bed..after another ..and thought - hmm..shall I try some fasting today..

And so I did.

Only water.

Bottle after bottle.

After work..about ..5 pm something something..I was basically being horizontal in various places..almost fell asleep in the bath..was quite lucky to "wake up" before doing some unplanned and unforeseen diving to the Happy Land.

And then just faded out..

Was it worth it? Did I get my toxins out ( that was one of the reasons I wanted to do that)?

Would I do it again?

Hmm...probably not in the nearest future. Got this horrible*10 headache, no strength to move, no strength to form a normal thought not to mention forming an abnormal thought.

Observation details and some tips:

1. It's quite sick how much time we spend just on getting the food, preparing the food, cooking the food, eating the food, storing the food, talking about the food, thinking about the food and doing all the things that involve FOOD.

Shocking discovery.

2. Do not try fastening while working in catering( things might happen to fall into your mouth)

3. Do not try fastening while offered a free bottle of wine (you may slip in the kitchen and fell on the floor and you could accidentally kick over the wine bottle and most probably it falls straight into your mouth too)

4. Once I'm determined to do something, I will do it!

To celebrate my yesterdays successful fast, I treated myself to a highly healthy breakfast, a bit less healthy lunch, even less healthy dinner (which included 2 glasses of "After Dark" and 2 glasses of sweet sparkling wine..."Because You're worth it!" says a familiar voice from TV in my head..how did it get there?)

"Could you please describe me the process of thinking about fasting and then doing it?"

"...Woke up in the morning. Opened my eyes. Dragged one leg out of bed..after another ..and thought - hmm..shall I try some fasting today..

And so I did."

Let's see what ideas tomorrow brings..

To God

Dedicated to Shawn James Dugan...a man I never met.

Dear Mr or Ms God,

I am writing to apply for the post I thought You should have had a long long time ago - a personal assistant. Oh..and don't tell me You already have one..because..well ..in that case...You ought to replace him slash her..because clearly there have been some deficiencies in his or hers work.

And, Gosh, what the hell have You been doing up there anyway!!??!

When was the last time You set Your foot on the ground floor?

Sorry..got carried away. . .

My current employer has spoken very highly about You. You see, he's a reverend in the church and I suppose he knows what he's talking about because as you may note from my CV , I have no experience nor knowledge about your current affairs what so ever but I have noticed some things I could do for You.

Firstly.

I guess You've already met Shawn..You know - Keith's brother.. Yes. He was offered a placement in your department..but as we've heard down here - there have been some dark things going on up there..people are saying that it wasn't really an offer..more like a ..hmm..how do I put it..more like kidnapping!

Have you got any idea what you've caused?! I mean ..You can't really expect that You can smoothen these things out..And don't start with the "plan story"! You better have a plan B next time because I really don't know how Your plan is going to help his three years old son Patrick Sullivan to grow up..or how Your plan helps to keep his wife Cathy going. Not to mention Keith himself..it's been two weeks since You took him and he still can't believe it..You just can't do things like this!

You must be a busy person..that's the only way I can explain Your choice on the 2. April 2010. Is Your list computerized? Does the computer browse through the database and select random names?

Or is there a logical reason behind Your choices?

Or do You throw a coin?

I have to say I'm a pretty good observer so I could help You out making better decisions..there must be some people who are suffering and craving for to dye..to come and join You.

I am sure of it because my Granny was one of them (say Hi to her when You see her!). She survived THREE strokes..come on..three strokes..what were You thinking of?! I'm sure she wouldn't have minded to pack up down here and have a bit of a climate change! But to take a 38 years old absolutely fantastic person (as I've read about him)..I don't know..

So, yes, my knowledge in Office Programs is quite good and I could also introduce a voluntary scheme for dyers or an euthanasia, as they like to call it..

Oh, and I think my mom popped in last summer while she was trying to top herself, didn't she? So, if she happens drop in again, You could ask her a reference for me..convenient, huh?

Secondly.

Why on earth do You need children up there? Isn't it hard enough to deal with all the grumpy granddads and grannies? Why all this extra work and trouble?

I suggest (of course if You hire me) to skip the kiddies and set up a nice retirement place for the old folks.

You must have met my little sister, can't miss her because ..man..was she an angel or what! Or....is she an angel or what? hmm..is she an angel? Have You got any angels up there? Ok, I'll ask You all about later. Let us carry on.

She was only two years old. Are You running a nursery? And if You are not and You're going to keep on like this then we better set up a nice nursery as well. Or is this the reason You need all sorts of people because You're creating Your own little world there..because You need some good and cheap labour..? Is that the case?

OK..before You send me the contract, I have some questions:

Could I possibly work from home..cos I think we'll be better off when I'm down here so I can create and keep good business relationships and maybe hand out some booklets or information about our choices. Surely, Keith and his family would've liked to have some information and details about Shawn's sudden disappearance..as all the others...

Bonuses by any chance..family bonuses? Don't make me choose my favourite when it's time for my dearest ones to go..

And I've got quite a lot to do..so I'm beginning to think that one life is not enough for me..so in case of promotion..keep it in mind..will You..

NB! I assure You that my non religious background and mind will not affect my work results...on the contrary - I think we could even improve one another!

I hope You consider me as Your possible right hand or..apprentice even...well anyway..I hope to hear from You soon..or see You..no..better not scare me..Send me a sign, OK?

Together we can make this world a better place! (Remind me to tell You some ideas I already have in terms of making those changes in people's lives a bit less painful).

RSVP

Yours Sincerely,

Chica D. Master

And God, please find attached some materials from the link below that may help You to better understanding of how You choices are affecting people's lives.

http://metalkabout.blogspot.com/

There's either something very wrong with British curriculum or someone once came up with the language so complicated...or someone came up with a clever excuse.. it's just that it seems that every fourth person I meet declares to be dyslexic..

Or maybe I have a tendency to attract dyslexic people

?

IF Jesus was the son of God

and if God created the Universe

and IF God created the Earth

and IF God created us

then..

..who the fuck created God?!

Is God just another ordinary fruit of wonder which have conquered the minds of people who don't want to see the mystery of life in itself?

How can you tell me that God has always been there..here?

What was he doing before he had this ingenious thought to create something they call "so perfect that it can't be random or coincidental"? Something SO PERFECT!!? People for instance - someone once pointed out the perfection of a human being - we bite our own cheeks..from inside..how perfect is that..

If you can answer me the origin of God without saying he's always been there..something must have came from nothing..once..and how can something come from nothing..it's as absurd as "always been" and if you could answer me without saying "because it says so in the Bible"..

I know about religions as much as you know about me

that's why I ask You

maybe You know more than "because the Bible says so"

Give us a chance!

I'll make it public now - I can't carry a tune!

Being totally tone-deaf, has given me an opportunity to cautiously despise all the musical activities I've ever had to participated in. And that's probably another reason (read out: excuse) not to become a Christian..ever. I've seen it! Oh jeah, I've been in the church..few times..and oh my - do they sing a lot or what!

Once upon a time I joined a choir..I'll never forget it..I thought that this is it! That's going to be my big breakthrough! I'll be famous! I'll be an artist! And after a week I was more than politely asked not to come any more..

Any way...what I would like to say after this brief introduction slash flashback to my so very sanguine childhood - just because I can not carry a tune and just because I can not replicate any tune, rhythm or not even a piece from a children's song, doesn't mean I can't sing!

I can sing.

I just don't fit in the same standards with Mahalia Jackson..or ..Rihanna.nor will I ever be another Elvis. I've got my own standards. And I've got my own rhythm. And all my songs are special..partly because I can't replicate even my own songs..So there will never be identical masterpieces.

But ..people like me.. and I believe that many others out there in the bleak, cold and unfair world should not be dispirited by those who can't see the beauty in our tunes..in our exertions to create something magical..to our ears..

I love to hum away..I love to dance.. and who cares that I do it in my own way..in my own rhythm..

It's a hard life..

Sometimes I just can't believe how easy (my) life is...I mean there's so much whining going on around us..everywhere..all the time..so I always thought that life is something really hard and cruel and unfair..maybe I just haven't seen that part of life jet..maybe I'm suffering with a syndrome "blue eyes" or "pink glasses" or something like that..or maybe I've been missing out some things..blissful oblivion? So I've been sitting round and waiting for the hard bit to come..but..nothing..

Or is my doomsday just around the corner..

I can't say that I've been an angel, I can't say that I haven't done things I ever so slightly try to forget and I'm barely in process of growing up ..so..but..nothing's happened..there's no punishment..there's no ..no..you know..there's no such things that I hear all the time..

Maybe I have a guardian angel...or some mystical super powers or maybe the law of attraction has always been on high voltage in my case.. I don't know

But I know - what ever I do ..everything always turns out just fine.. there's a tendency for positive circumstances to occur...round me. Bare in mind that I have no powers to stop the war or to revivify Polish president nor can I make you win the National Lottery..Having said that - money does find it's way to me when it's most needed..that can be quite creepy occasionally..but I don't mind..

And it's always been like this..I remember being 12 years old and walking around in a fair with my friend.. without a penny in my pocket .. and just as I said that I wish we'd had some money..my friend stopped me and picked up two tenners from the roadside ( actually it was another currency..but you got the point..)...There's so many examples like this..The last time was when we went to London last Friday..we were going to have a nice budget trip and by budget I mean prepacked sandwiches and a coffee flask with all the free sightseeing stuff..but few days before we received a nice sum for tip and it was especially meant for our London trip..how convenient!

Not to mention everything else..just got a job I wanted! The weather is absolutely fantastic! And everything just seems to be OK.

Too OK

Hi, nice to meet you!

Have you ever thought that some things are never meant to be? Have you ever thought that signs are trying to tell you something? Have you ever thought about signs around you?

Have you ever thought about how did you meet all the people you know? Have you ever thought about people you once knew... somehow, somewhere?

Quick example

This Iranian guy, I mentioned earlier on..He started to come to our language group..never talked to him..never knew his name..or to come to that - never knew bloody thing about him. . . except the fact that he's from Iran..

One day..don't know why..I told my roommate that judged by the package, this guy fits the bill perfectly for me..nothing more. Just..to give her a bit of my taste in men...to be accurate - the looks I like. He is big. I like big men.

That was it.

Then we ended up in the same group during a teamwork practice and we had a tiny row about something which we bet on..and who was right?! Well, that's irrelevant of course..(I was right...though..).. Laughed a lot together.

We held our last class in the pub..after everyone was gone..we stayed..for a bit longer..for couple of pints longer..plus two other people..Usual jadijaadijaadijaa..exchanged phone numbers after and so on..Laughed a lot..

First..he tried to call me..missed calls..I was at work

I tried to call him back..in vain

Few days later..

Two missed calls and a voice mail..saying.."something jaaddi jaadi, busy..new work..jaadi, jaadi..exhausted..jaaadi, jaadi..call me back, please". I was at work again..I think..

Then I called him - he answered..to say "Busy, busy at the moment..sorry" I said " ok, no worries, see you later".

Then he had called me..well anyway - you got the picture..

And all that sort of things make me wonder..is it not meant to be..I mean..I have no interest in him what so ever (in case you were wondering)..well..maybe just as an acquaintance to get together in the pub once in a while..but that's all..But still - are some things just not meant to happened?! And should I notice those signs..are they trying to tell me something..or are they testing me..Should we ignore the signs?

Oh, jesus..what am I talking/writing about!

But when I think about how I've met all the people I know and the ones I knew ..it is quite amazing which ways destiny has for us to walk..how total strangers get together by coincidence..or how ever you wish to call it

Think about your partner, husband, friend or just someone you know..and try to remeber how you met..there might be a funny story behind it..

Ok another example..how I met Anu.

we went to school together..by the age of sixteen we ended up in the same class..

I attended school..occasionally..didn't have much time back then..for school..it never occurred to me that I should make an effort to try to talk to her..we were too different..

Now it turns into two stories..The one she knows and the one i know

Her version - after shaving my head, all my school acquaintances suddenly disappeared (not that I cared about those two faced hypocrites..sad, sad people....) and I knocked on her door and asked her if she wants to hang out in my place..And that's how it started

My version

My other classmate ( since grade two)..got this sudden interest in her..a crush..and ..well..I guess I couldn't beare the thought him having anyone else in his life and I wanted to see who did she think she was..and of course..after half an hour I realised.that she's going to be around..and I better get to know her..best decision ever..

And all the people you meet in your life..the way you do..

Oh..like my ex! I rushed into a flat party because I needed a sober driver..and there he was..

"When Angry, count to Ten. When Very Angry, Swear." (Mark Twain)