unspoken

More than two weeks ago I heard a radio show about grief and dealing with the loss of a loved one..how people overcame their pain (or didn't) and how others around one should behave. They took calls in and read out emails..one after another. And then one call came through..I recognised the voice..and I've listened the recording (thank you, Almighty Internet!) over and over ..and over again. He knew what he was talking about, he knew and he said something (or rather many things..) that has kept me in a highly troubled state ..since : "Don't leave anything unsaid before it's too late.." and yet...he said nothing.

And I have said nothing.

Nor have You said anything..

Only They say..and they say everything, behind our backs, behind your back ..in whisper, in shame..vociferate disdainfully.

All the things I want to say..there's so many things, there's too many things.. where runs the line between the things that should be said out loud to you and you and to You as well and the ones that should remain unsaid in various inexplicable reasons..Some words..some names..some memories..some thoughts, ideas and wishes..

Can I hide some things from myself or should I shout out loud to my brain: " You goddamn missing link, you pathetic relict of common sense - let, oh please do, your fanfuckingtastic Heart to speak for itself!"

Or maybe I ought to step out and close the door behind me, breath in the fresh and vivid concoction of hope, dreams and joy..to leave my mercurial mind for the Worms of Past..

And to be fair - there really isn't anything to say..