just an hour later..

That's it! That really, fucking, does it!! Now I'm seriously pissed off!!! Screw the world! Yes. There..I said it.

AAARGGHH!

So typical - I tried so hard, I tried very, very hard to have a "feeling great" day. And I had. So far. And then, somewhere, somehow something still went wrong..and everything ended with an enormous emotionaAl crash! How annoyingly typical! How predictable!

I don't know what to do any more. I just wanted to have a cheerful day. I wanted to be normal, just like they are. By "they" I mean those people who have the skill to stick a stupid constant "keep smiling" thingy in their stupid fucking face. Side remark - I'm filled with immense rage.

What a failure..

I've been trying everything..I mean I've been trying out some methods to cut off the tether of gloominess:

tried to think good and sunny thoughts (and it's not as easy as it may seem)

tried to distract my negative thoughts with nice things..chocolate..

listened to good music

lots of physical training to get rid of my stress

read humorous books

tried to be nice to people (see how far my despair has pushed me -tried to be nice to PEOPLE!)

daily basis masturbation (have to say that this one helped a bit)

relaxation

tried to smile as much as humanly possible

Conclusion - WASTE OF TIME!

What have I done wrong in this world?! How come so simple thing as being merry, is something so insurmountable for me?

My aspirations towards my malcontent condition has become my crusade and I'm bloody hellbent to get there! And nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing will curtail my chances to get there...yeah..nothing..

Though it sure feels that sulkiness, anguish, contempt and bile are going to be my lifelong comrades.

Am I truly doomed to spend the rest of my life in viciousness and hatred?

I AM TrAPPED..